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Haay grabe… inaantok ako.. Kaya ito share ko na lng muna sa inyo itong mga jokes na ito haha! Nagising ako nung binasa ko sila eh haha!

GF: napuyat ako kagabi.
BF: bakit naman?
GF: nananaginip ka kagabi, tapos nagsasalita ka puro pangalan ng mga babae ang sinasabe mo!
BF: O panu ka napuyat?

GF: kakaintay ng pangalan ko! hayop ka!
__________________________________________________ ____________

Kinder garten:
a 3 yrs old kinder garten s2dnt
…
s2dnt:”mam nabubuntis po ba ung 38 yrs old?”
titser:”dpende kung nagmemens pa xa”
…s2dnt:”eh mam ung 23 p0?”
titser:”xempre!”
s2dnt:”eh h0w ab0ut 17?”
titser:”yes!!”
s2dnt:”eh ung 3 yrs old po?”
titser:”xempre hnd!!!!!”
(a s2dnt clasm8 whisper)
boy:”sabi ko sau eh,kaya wag kang magalala”

__________________________________________________ ____________

Der were 3 kids in stage reciting their country’s alphabet.

Kano: “Ei Bee Si Dih Ee”

Pinoy: “Ah Bah Ka Da Eh”
……
Bumbay: “Di Bi Di, Bi Ci Di, Em Pi Tri.”
__________________________________________________ ___________

BEER is better than MILK… WHY????
…kasi ang barkada nanglilibre ng BEER…

ehh ang MILK mayroon na bang
…nanglibre sayo???
AT SINABI….
TARA TOL DEDE TAYO???!!!!!
ang sagwa ahahaha
__________________________________________________ ______

ALLOWANCE-force that motivates you to go to school
BONUS-the key to pass the exam
ID-alternative ruler to draw a straight line
STUDYiNG-causes sleepiness faster than a sleeping pill
UNIFORM-where you wipe your hands after going to cr
……TOMORROW-deadline
CLINIC-home of best actors and actresses
BREAK-most enjoyable subject
BALLPEN-device used to draw something on the desk
NERDS-bestfriends during exam

———- ———-

ALLOWANCE-force that motivates you to go to school
BONUS-the key to pass the exam
ID-alternative ruler to draw a straight line
STUDYiNG-causes sleepiness faster than a sleeping pill
UNIFORM-where you wipe your hands after going to cr
……TOMORROW-deadline
CLINIC-home of best actors and actresses
BREAK-most enjoyable subject
BALLPEN-device used to draw something on the desk
NERDS-bestfriends during exam
__________________________________________________

meaning of,
ABCDEFG
A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl.
.
.
….
.. reverse the meaning of,
GFEDCBA
Girls Forgot Everything Done & Catches new Boy Again.
__________________________________________________ _______

Bata: Ale, pabili po ng isang juice ung litro pack.

Ale: Alin yung powder?.

-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Bata: Bakit?. May Bareta po ba?
——————————————————–

Buyer: Magkano kambing?
Muslim: Isang libo.
Buyer: Ha? mahal naman! 800 nalang.
Muslim: Di pwede, sabi ASAWA ko wag benta pag di libo.
Buyer: Ganon?! Kalahati libo?
…Muslim: Yan! Pwede na.
————————————————————

Mom: Ayusin mo kama mo
Boy: Nay, bakit pa? Eh magugulo din naman yan ulit.

* DINNER TIME *

…Boy: Nay, san ung dinner ko?
Mom: Ba’t pa kita papakainin? Magugutom ka naman ulit.

———- ———-

doc:nurse,nasaan na ung sunod na pasyente?
nurse:pinauwi Ko na po,doc…
doch bkit?
…
nurse:eh,masama daw po ang pakiramdam eh..
———————————————————————————

Anako0d evening po tay!
Tatay:ba’t ngayon ka lang umuwi?alas nuwebe na..
Anak:dami po kcng gnagawa sa school,mga projects,sports tap0s ngmeeting pa po kami,member aq ng SSC sa school kaya yun..
…
Tatay:wag mu nga akong lokohin,ehh kinder kpa lang
———————————————————————————

sa tamlay ng buhay pag ibig ko…
.
.
.
.
….
“PAG IHI N LANG ANG NGIGING DAHILAN
PARA KILIGIN AKO!!
————————————————————————-

Do the following…

1.Got to the google translator
…2.Click from “english” to “vietnamese”
3.Write: Will Justin Bieber ever get hit puberty.
…
4.Copy the vietnamese sentence that appeared in your screen
5.Now make it from “vietnamese” to “english”
6.Paste the viatnamese sentence.

LIKE IT IF U GET IT AND LAUGH.
——————————————————————–

BOY: May I hold ur hand?
GIRL: no thanks, di naman sya heavy.
—————————————————————

bakit hndi gwing herbal medicine ang makahiya ?..
.
.
.
.
.
.
para may lunas sa mga taong, MAKAKAPAL ANG MUKHA !
———————————————————————–

lalaki: sir welcome po .!
diego: ano b nman tong mga tinda nyong paintings . ang papangit!
lalaki: ay sir. salamin po ang tinda nmin
————————————————————————-

Nene: nay pinatambling ako kanina sa school
Nanay: g*g*!! gusto lang nila makita panty mo!!!
…
Nene: Alam ko!!! kaya nga tinago sa bag yung panty ko eh..

———- ———-

Inday: Father, i confess, everytime i look at other women during mass, i realize i’m the prettiest girl in the church! is that a sin?

Priest: No inday, it’s a joke…
———————————————————————–

ANAK: tay, cno po ang mas matalino? ang tatay o ang anak?
TATAY: syempre ang tatay!
ANAK: sino po ang nag imbento ng telepono?
TATAY: c alexander graham bell…

…ANAK: bakit hndi ung tatay nya?
——————————————————————————

Juan sa Starbucks….
Juan: waiter!!!
waiter: yes sir?
Juan: One coffee please…
waiter: decaf sir?
….
.
.
.
.
Juan: Syempre de cup! bobo naman ng waiter na to!!…
bakit may nakaplato bang kape ha?!
————————————————————————–

TATAY: ipasa mo yung exan mo ha! pag di ka pumasa wag mo na akong tatawaging tatay!
JUAN: opo nman tay!
(Pag-uwi ni Juan)
TATAY: oh? kamusta exam mo?
JUAN: ayos nman dude..
——————————————————————————

Boy 1: Pre, naholdup ako muntik pa ako mamatay!
Boy 2: Bakit, di kaba humingi ng tulong?
Boy 1: nagtext ako sa pulis station!
Boy 2: Bakit, anong reply?
Boy 1: haynaku, ito reply! “Hu u? wer did you get my no??”
—————————————————————————-

BOY: bakit parang takot na takot ka?
GIRL: syempre muntik nkong ma-rape jan sa kanto. buti nalang may pera ako..
BOY: so binigay mo nalang pera mo?
…
GIRL: ndi ahh! nag-motel kami.. nakakhiya kaya kung jan lang sa gilid gilid.
——————————————————————————

sa gubat, umiihi si JUAN…

JUAN: pare, nakagat ng COBRA t1t1 ko, help!!!
…
PEDRO: teka tawag ako sa doktor (dial sa CP) doc, nakagat ng COBRA kaibigan ko, anu gagawin ko?
…
DOC: sipsipin mo yung sugat para mawala yung lason.

JUAN: anu sabi???

PEDRO: MAMATAY KA NA LANG DAW!!!
—————————————————————————–

Boy: Hello!
Girl: Hello!
Boy: Kumain ka na?
Girl: Kumain ka na?
Boy: Ginagaya mo ba ko?
Girl: Ginagaya mo ba ko?

Boy: I love you!

Girl: Tara, kain na tayo!
———————————————————————–

HONEYMOON:

Wife: Hon wag mo ako bibiglain ha? I’m still a virgin
Husband: You mean ako ang una?
Wife: Yes, do it na.
Husband: I did it na, kanina pa!!

Wife: Ah ganon ba? Aray pala, Aray. Ooh. Ahhh.
——————————————————————————-

Juan: San ka galing?
Pedro: sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko.
Juan: E bakit puro kamot ang mukha at braso mo?
…
Pedro: Mahirap ilibing eh… Lumalaban!!
———————————————————————————

Salesgirl: Sir, you can’t smoke here.
Customer: But I bought this cigar from your store.
Salesgirl: Hello? We also sell condoms but it doesn’t mean …you can fu*ck here.
———————————————————————————-

gwapo ngtxt: labs, paload nman P100.
bakla: ok!
(ngmmadling mghanap ng loading area)
…
bakla: narceive mo na labs?
gwapo: HU U?