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Tugon ni Idol ERAP on his character question.

Ang tanong: “What vice or luxury can you live without?”

Ang sagot: pls watch the video

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Returning from Australia…
ERAP: Ganda ng animals don lalo na yung dangaroos!
BODYGUARD: Sir, baka kangaroos?
ERAP: Hinde! Sabi ng sign “Please don’t touch, these animals are dangerous!”

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ERAP at a ballet performance. He sees the dancers tiptoeing and twirling.
ERAP: Tsk! Tsk! Silly choreographers! Why didn’t they just find taller ballerinas?

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At a restaurant Erap heard the couple next table are ordering: “Bring us Swiss steak and French fries.”
ERAP: I’ll have the same, give me the sweepstakes and first prize.

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Erap orders pizza.
WAITER: Sir do you want me to cut your pizza into 4 or 8?
ERAP: 4 na lang baka hindi ko maubos pag-8!

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WHAT IS III

NORA: Pang ilang Tirso Cruz na si Tirso Cruz III?

ERAP: Dats ezy! eh di pang LIMA! kaya nga “PIP”
ang tawag sa kanya eh!

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GROUP

Erap was asked if a group of birds is called a flock

of bird, and a group of fish is called a school of

fish, and a group of wolves is called a pack of

wolves, then what do you call a group of dogs?

Erap: Madali lang yan, anong akala ninyo sa akin tanga!

Di anser is “asociation”.

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Biodata
Erap in one of his younger days while applying for a job he doesn’t really like. His Biodata goes a little something like this:
Position Applied For: Point Guard
Name: Guess Who
Address: Bonifacio
Birthdate: Happy
Sex: Symbol
Marital Status: S (small) M (medium) L (large)
Height: Hitler
Weight: For me!
School: No…is Hot.
Course: Golf
Degree: 90
Special Skills: Singing, Dancing, Acting etc.
Phone Number(s): 3 (Nokia, Motorola and Ericsson)
Fax: U
Contact Person(s): Yes….(Animals ..No.)

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Erap at Starbucks.
Erap: Waiter, isang kape nga!
Waiter: Sir, decaf ho ba?
Erap: Syempre! Bobo! Lahat ng kape, de cup!
Bakit, may nakaplato ba?!

*****

ELECTRIC FAN

Tanong ki Erap : Bakit yung airplane pag umiikot and

elisi, uma-angat sa lupa?

Bakit yung bentilador kahit umiikot, nasa mesa pa din?

Erap : Tanga ka pala eh! Kasi yung bentilador may kurdon, pinipigilan yon!!

****

THE ORDER

In a Japanese restaurant.

Erap : Bigyan mo ako nung TA-KEHO-ME, waiter.

Waiter : Sir “Take Home” po ang basa diyan.

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CHINA: We’ll send a man to space by year 2010.
RUSSIA: We’ll send a man to the moon.
USA: We’ll send a man to Mars.
ERAP: We’ll send a man to the sun.
SCIENTIST: Impossible! It’s very HOT!
ERAP: Stupid! We’ll send him at night!

*****

ERAP’s Medical Terms

Listed below are the results of his entrance test dug up from some ancient archives. Needless to say, he didn’t make it.

Antibody – against everyone
Artery – the study of fine paintings
Bacteria – back door to a cafeteria
Benign – what you be after you be eight
Bowel – letters like A, E, I, O or U
Caesarean Section – a district in Rome
Cardiology – advanced study of poker playing
CAT Scan – searching for one’s lost kitty
Cauterize – made eye contact with her
Coma – a punctuation mark
Congenital – friendly
Cortisone – the local courthouse
D & C – where Washington is
Dilate – to live longer
Enema – not a friend
ER – the things on your head that you hear with
Fibrillate – to tell lies
Genes – blue denim slacks
Hemorrhoid – a male from outer space
Impotent – distinguished, well-known
Labor Pain – hurt at work
Organ Transplant – what you do to your piano when you move
Paralyze – two far-fetched stories
Pathological – a reasonable way to go
Pharmacist – person who makes a living dealing in agriculture
Protein – in favor of young people
Red Blood Count – Dracula
Rheumatic – amorous
Secretion – hiding anything
Tablet – a small table
Terminal Illness – getting sick at the airport
Tibia – country in North Africa
Triple Bypass – better than a quarterback sneak
Tumor – an extra pair
Urine – opposite of “you’re out”
Varicose – very close
Vein – conceit

******

TV Host: Sen Noynoy, are you familiar with the current problems we have in the film industry?
Noynoy: Sorry, I’m afraid not.
TV Host: What about you Pres ERAP, what can you say?
ERAP: Naku, I’m afraid also!

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Interviewer: Pres ERAP ano naman po ang masasabi mo sa katayuan ng mga karamihan sa lipunan, sabi nila…blah, blah, blah..
ERAP: (panay ang ngiti at halatang kinakabahan…) Unang una, Magandang gabi po ulit sa inyong lahat….. Pwedeng pakiulit yung tanong?

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Loi nakita si Erap na may kasamang babae sa kama
Loi: Walanghiya ka ERAP! I-dedemanda kita ng adultery!
ERAP: Adultery? Ano ka ba naman honey? Tingnan mo nga itong kasama ko, ang bata-bata pa nito….bakit mo sasabihing adultery?

******

Loi: Inday, ipaghanda mo si sir ERAP mo ng paborito niyang pagkain.
Inday: Mam, naghugas na po ako!

******

A sexy reporter was interviewing Erap.
At pag upo pa lang pinisil ni Erap ang boobs ng reporter.
Reporter: Bakit nýo pinisil ang boobs ko
Erap: Kasi may nakalagay na PRESS eh!

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REPORTER: SIR, DO YOU HAVE ANY PLANS FOR THE HOMELESS?
ERAP: OF COURSE, BUT THE PROBLEM IS, IT IS VERY HARD TO FIND THEM.THEY HAVE NO ADDRESS.

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SWIMMER
Nag swimming sa beach sina Noynoy, Gibo and ERAP.
Gibo: Physically fit ba kayo? Kaya niyo bang languyin hanggang kabilang isla? sampung kilometro yon at malalim.
Noynoy : Sige mauuna na ko.
Nag swimming si Noynoy, almost 2 kilometers pa lang bumalik na, hindi na kaya
Gibo : Susunod ako
Nag swimming naman si Gibo, almost 3 kilometers pa lang bumalik na din
ERAP : Salita kayo ng salita, hindi niyo naman pala kaya. Tingnan niyo ko.
Nag-swimming si ERAP. After 1 hour bumalik din.
ERAP : Hindi ko din pala kaya. sobrang pagod ako…9 kilometers na ko…sayang….bumalik na lang ako dito kesa malunod ako.

*****

Loi and Gloria went to market:

LOI: Pag nakakakita ko ng patatas, parang nakita ko na rin ang balls ni Erap.
GLORIA: Bakit? Ganyang kalaki?
LOI: Hindi ah! GANYANG KARUMI!

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M & M

galing ng states si mayor lim at may pasalubong para kay erap m&m peanut.
after 1 week sabi ni mayor masarap ba yung pasalubong ko erap sabi naman
ni erap oo masarap kaso umitim ang kuko ko sa kababalat..

*****

GOOD AND BAD

Good news: Pumayag na si Erap na magresign dahil sa people power.
Bad news: Ayaw daw niya sa Hawaii magpaexile. Gusto niya sa Las Vegas.

*****

Erap went to his doctor:

DOC: Ano nangyari sa tenga mo?
ERAP: Nagring ho kasi yung telepono habang namamalantsa ko e. Yung plantsa ho ang nailagay ko sa tenga ko.
DOC: E bakit parehong tenga?
ERAP: Tumawag ho kasi yung mokong na caller e.