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Euro Speak

European Union commissioners have announced that
agreement has been reached to adopt English as
the preferred language for European communications,
rather than German, which was the other
possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British government
conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a five-year phased
plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro
for short).

In the first year, “s” will be used instead of the
soft “c”. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve
this news with joy. Also, the hard “c” will be
replaced with “k”. Not only will this klear up
konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less
letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the
sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” will be
replaced by “f”. This will make words like
“fotograf” 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new
spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where
more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will enkorage the removal of double letters, which
have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of
silent “e”s in the languag is disgrasful, and they
would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps
such as replasing “th” by “z” and “w” by ” v”.

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd
from vords containing “ou”, and similar changes vud
of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German
like zey vunted in ze forst plas.