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Funny: Filipino, Tagalog, Celebrity & Text Jokes of the Day!
By The Mouse Potato | October 12, 2008 
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Mrs. Tanoy is a very kuripot Ilocana (no offense meant to all
Ilocanos, i’m one). When her husband died, she inquired with the newspaper,
asking the price for the obituary.
The ad taker said: “300 pesos for 5 words.”
She said: “Pwede ba 2 words lang? “Tanoy dead”"
Ad taker: “No mam. 5 words is the minimum.”
After thinking for a while, Mrs. Tanoy said: “Ok, para sulit, ilagay
mo,
“TANOY DEAD, TOYOTA FOR SALE ”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
——— —–
Boy: Nay may ulam ba?
Nanay: Tignan mo na lang dyan sa ref, anak.
Boy: Eh wala naman tayong ref, di ba?
Nanay: O, e di wala tayong ulam. Konting common sense naman dyan!
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
——— ——
Caloy: Tay ,di ba sabi mo bibigyan mo ko ng P100 pag pumasa ako sa
Math?
Tatay: Oo. Bakit, pumasa ka ba?
Caloy: Gud news, tay! Di ka na gagastos ng P100.
————
Man at 33 quits smoking. Will Power;
At 43, quits drinking. Will Power;
At 53, quits gambling. Will Power;
At 63, quits having sex. Power Failure.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
——— ——
Kano (trying to speak Tagalog): Meg-kanow isang kilow mang-gow?
Tindero: One way.
Kano : Meg-kanow?
Tindero: I sed ONE WAY.
Kano : Aynowng ibig sabeyhin ng one way?
Tindero: Isang daan. Understang?!
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
——— ——
Erap: Kalokohan! Di ako naniniwala! Walang taong ganun kataba!
Loi: San ang balitang yan?
Erap: Dito sa dyaryo. Sabi; “British tourist lost 2000 pounds.”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
——— —–
MMDA (with pen and ticket to a traffic violator):
Name?
Foreigner Driver: Wilhelm Von Corgrinski Papakovitz.
MMDA: Ahhh okay…(sabay tago ticket)…Next time be careful, ok?
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
BF: Sunduin kita mamaya ha. Bubusina nalang ako pag nasa harap nako
ng bahay nyo.
GF: Cge. Anong sasakyan ang dala mo?
BF: Wala. Busina lang…
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
——— ——
Nag-aapply si Tomas na security guard…
Interviewer: Ang kailangan namin ay taong laging may suspicious mind,
highly alert, insistent personality, strong sense of hearing with a
killer instinct. Sa tingin mo ba qualified ka?
Tomas: Sa palagay ko po hindi. Pwede po bang yun misis ko nalang ang
mag-apply?
———— —–
Always remember, when SHE cancels a date, she HAS TO.
But….when HE cancels a date……
he HAS TWO.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
——— ——
Junior: Nay, bibili ako ng HIGH CAKE.
Nanay: Hindi high cake, anak. HOT CAKE yun.
Junior: Ok nay, watever. Pahingi nalang ng barya.
Nanay: Sige, kumuha ka nalang dyan sa SOLDIER BAG ko.
———— ——— ——— -
Junior: Itay, mag-inagt kayo sa DANK TRUCK
Tatay: Ano yong DANK TRUCK, anak?
Junior: Yong sasakyan na sampu ang gulong.
Tatay: Ah, hindi yon dank truck anak, TEN MILLER tawag don.
———— ——— ——— -
Pasyente … magkano ang facelift?
Doktora … complete treatment ay P145,000
Pasyente … mahal!!! ano bang pinakamurang treatment para
magmukha akong bata?
Doktora … heto tsupon, P20 lang!!
———— ———
ORDER
Customer … waiter! bakit ang tagal ng order ko? ilan ang cook
nyo dito?
Waiter … ay, sir, wala pu kame cuk dito…pipse lang po!!
———— ——— ——-
PROBLEMA NGA
Pasyente … Doc, may problema ako…tuwing alas otso ng umaga
dumudumi ako…
Doktor … so, anong problema doon?
Pasyente … Eh alas nuwebe po ako nagigising.
———— ——— ——–
CUSTOMER
A man was carrying 3 babies in a train.
Lady sitting next asked, “are they your babies?”
Man: “No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer
complaints!”
———— ———
ACCIDENT
A lawyer driving on a highway notices a crowd in an intersection.
With his urge to get into the thick crowd and see the action, he
shouted, “I’M THE SON OF THE VICTIM.”
Upon hearing, the people made way for him to get through.
There he saw, bloody and helpless lying in front of the people…a
pig
bumped by a trailer truck!
———— ——-
MANNY PAKYAW
Reporter … Manny, anong bill ang gagawin mo kapag congressman
ka na?
Manny … Ano’ng bill? yung tomotonog pagkatapos ng bawa’t
round sa bukseng?
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