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Another Series of Mixed Jokes
By The Mouse Potato | July 11, 2008
Prospective Employer to Applicant: “So why did you
leave your previous job?”
Applicant: “The company relocated and they did not
tell me where!”
________________________________________________________________
Bisaya 1: ” Gara ng kutsi, siguro kay Miyur iyan.”!
Bisaya 2: ” Dili bay!”
Bisaya 1: ” Kay Hipi?”
Bisaya 2: ” Tuntu ka man. Kay FATHER iyan. Gisulat
niya sa likud o, “‘SAFARI’.”
_______________________________________________________________
Misis: “Sir, mananawagan po sana ako sa mister ko
kasi dinala niya ang limang anak namin.”
Radio Host: “Ok, go ahead!”
Misis: “Honey, ibalik mo na ang mga bata, isa lang
naman ang sa iyo diyan!”
_______________________________________________________________
Hello! Heto na naman ako. Gulung-gulo ulit ang isip
ko. May nais lang sana akong itanong sa inyo. Alam ko
matutulungan niyo ako Ang BIRDS FLU ba ay past tense
ng BIRDS FLY?
_______________________________________________________________
Nakasakay ka sa FX, ng ikaw ay mautot. Buti na lang
malakas ang tugtog. Bawat pag-utot, sabay sa tugtog.
Nang ikaw ay bumaba, ang sasama ng tingin nila sa iyo,
bigla mong naalala…naka iPod ka pala!
______________________________________________________________
WIFE: Himala! aga mong umuwi ngayon.
HUSBAND: Sunod ko lang utos ng boss ko. Sabi nya “GO
TO HELL”, kaya ito uwi agad ako.
_______________________________________________________________
Lasing (takot): may multo sa banyo natin!
Wife: ha? Bakit?
Lasing: kasi bumubukas yung ilaw pag papasok ako ng !
banyo eh.
Wife: ******* ka! ikaw pala umiihi sa ref!
_______________________________________________________________
AMO: sagutin mo an g telepon inday!
INDAY: (baligtad ang hawak) hilo? hilo?
AMO: baligtarin mo!
INDAY: lohi? lohi?
AMO: telepon ang baligtarin mo!
INDAY: pontele, pontele
_______________________________________________________________
Juan: birthday ng asawa ko
Pedro: ano regalo mo?
Juan: tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.
P: ano naman sinabi?
J: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.
P: ano binigay mo?
J: Baraha.
________________________________________________________________
Pedro: Galing ako sa doktor, nakabili na ko ng hearing
aid. Grabe! ang linaw na ng pandinig ko!
Juan: Talaga?! Magkano bili mo?
Pedro: Kahapon lang
________________________________________________________________
Wife: Lab, may taning na ang buhay ko. Huling gabi ko
na to, let’s make love.
Husband: Heh! tumigil ka nga. maaga pa akong gigising
bukas, buti ikaw hindi na.
________________________________________________________________
KRIMINAL 1: “Pare, sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yung
papatayin natin?”
KRIMINAL 2: “Oo, nagtataka nga ako, 1 oras na tayo dito
wala parin siya!
Sana naman walang nangyaring masama sa kanya.”
Girl : Do you love me ?
Boy : Yes Dear
Girl : Would you die for me ?
Boy : No, mine is undying love
————————————————–
1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor. 1st thief : Hurry! this is no
time for superstitions.
————————————————–
Man : How old is your father ?
Boy : As old as me
Man : How can that be ?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born
————————————————–
Waiter : I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg. Customer :
Don’t tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
————————————————–
Teacher: Desmond, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same
as your brother’s. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it’s the same dog!
————————————————–
Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you
anything! Son : That’s why I say she’s no good!
————————————————–
Manager : Sorry, but I can’t give u a job. I don’t need much help.
Job Applicant: That’s all right. In fact, I’m just the right person
in this case. You see, I won’t be of much help anyway!
————————————————–
Dad : “Son, how can you call your aunt stupid? Go and say sorry to
her.” Son :(goes over to the aunt) “Aunt, I am sorry you are stupid.
—————————————————
Teacher: “How do u think Shakespeare wrote such masterpieces?”
College student: “With a pencil, maam, either a 2B or not 2B.”
—————————————————
“Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters
who will be coming to school.” “That’s nice of her to take such an
interest, dear. What did she say when u told her u are the only child?”
“She just said, ‘Thank goodness!’”
—————————————————
Teacher: “Where were u born?”
Student: “Singapore, Sir.”
Teacher: “Which part?”
Student: “All of me, Sir.”
—————————————————-
Teacher: “Chong, u missed school last Friday.”
Chong : “You’re wrong, Sir.”
Teacher: “Wrong, how is that?”
Chong : “I was absent, yes but I certainly didn’t miss it!”
—————————————————-
A teacher was asking her class: “What is the difference between
‘unlawful’ and ‘illegal’?” Only one hand shot up. “Ok, answer, Joan,” said the teacher. “‘unlawful’ is when u do something the law doesn’t allow and ‘illegal is a sick eagle.”
—————————————————
Doctor : I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient :
Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor : The lab called
with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient : 24 hours! That’s terrible!! What could be worse? What’s
the very bad news?
Doctor : I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.
—————————————————–
Patient : I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here?
Doctor : You’ve had an accident involving a train.
Patient : What happened?
Doctor : Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which
would you like to hear first? Patient : Well… The bad news first ….
Doctor : Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate
both of them.
Patient : That’s terrible! What’s the good news?
Doctor: There’s a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on
your slippers.
—————————————————–
Patient : How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist : -90.00.
Patient : -90.00 for just a few minutes work???
Dentist : I can extract it very slowly if you like.
—————————————————–
Teacher : “How come you do not comb your hair?”
Ah Kow : “No comb, Sir.”
Teacher : “Use your dad’s then.”
Ah Kow : “No hair, Sir.”
—————————————————-
A boy came home from school with his exam results.
“What did u get?” asked his father.
“My marks are under water,” said the boy.
“What do u mean ‘under water’?”
“They are all below ‘C’ level”
—————————————————-
Nag text ang tatay sa anak niya na estudyante:
Dear Anak, Naipadala ko na ang 50 thousand pan tuition mo, pinagbili na namin yung kalabaw natin. Ang mahal pala ng counterstrike na kurso! Wala na rin pala tayo mga baboy, naipagbili na rin namin para dun sa sinasabi mong project, Nokia N75 ba yun? Ang mahal naman ng project mo! Kasama din dun yung 7 thousand para sa field trip nyo sa Mall of Asia. Malayo ba yun, bakit ang mahal? Isasanla pa namin yung palayan natin para mabili mo yung instrumento mong ipod. Napailaw nyo na ba yung pinagpupuyatan nyong sanmig lights? sana makagraduate ka..
Tags: 13th, Applicant, Asia, baligtarin, Birthday, Bisaya, car, college, Desmond, field trip, FROG, Funny & Hilarious Stuff, gay, girls, guy, help, inday, job, Jokes, Kay FATHER, Kay Hipi, KRIMINAL, lohi, LOVE, love story, LTO, news, pontele, problem, problems, school, Singapore, superstition, Tagalog Content, text, thief, TripTopics: Funny & Hilarious Stuff, Tagalog Content |
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