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By The Mouse Potato | October 9, 2006
All the things my mother taught me:
TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!”
RELIGION - “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
FORESIGHT - “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
FLEXIBILITY - “Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!”
STAMINA - “You’ll sit there ’til all that spinach is finished.”
WEATHER - “It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.”
PHYSICS PROBLEMS - “If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?”
BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - Stop acting like your father!”
What my father taught me:
LOGIC: “Because I said so, that’s why.”
IRONY - “Keep laughing and I’ll *give* you something to cry out.”
OSMOSIS - “Shut your mouth and eat your supper!”
HYPOCRISY - “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times - don’t exaggerate!!!”
THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
ENVY - “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do!”
TIME TRAVEL: “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
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