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Love Quarrels… Reasons Why Sometimes We Fight The One We Love
By The Mouse Potato | August 2, 2006
Sometimes, even though you love somebody so much, you can end up in a fight… Even the smallest misunderstanding can lead to disagreement and furthermore — a stupid clash of pride.
I had my share of such experience. But it has always been my habit to arrange things overnight. It would be really ugly to make a quarrel last more than a day. My reason — fix the problem ASAP before it gets worse. Besides, I hate making someone sad, especially if it is my fault.
Why we fight? I will show some reasons which I think might be…
——
“I will show you! I will ignore you.”
Ahhh…the old silent treatment. We will ignore and deprive them of our attention (love in expression) to get them to take notice of us. If they respond, they care. If they don’t, they don’t love you. (If you really loved me, you would respond with concern to my silence.) Maybe if you ignore them, they will see how important this “issue” is to you. Maybe they will see how hurt you are and not do what they did again. If you ignore them, maybe they will be nicer to you and extend themselves to bring you out of your silence. This will prove that they really love you.
——
All I can say is that you should talk openly and honestly. Know the intent behind your words.We must understand that silence is not motivating, it only leads to lack of communication and confusion. Sometimes, the way you think is not the way he/she thinks.
——
“I need to teach you a lesson.”
Since you lover gets unhappy when you spend time on the computer, you will purposefully spend more time on the computer to teach her to accept this about you. You will teach her to not want to be with you so much. You do the exact opposite of what she wants so she will learn to be more accepting and to prove you can not be manipulated by her. But then she just becomes even more angry thinking you are deliberately going against her wishes.
——
Again, both of you should talk openly and honestly. Look at what areas you would like for your partner to change, then examine how them changing would benefit you. Finally, discuss what you have discovered with your partner.
——
“You hurt me, now I am going to hurt you.”
You felt hurt by something your lover said or did. You want them to feel the same pain back so you do or say something that you are sure will push a button. You had hoped that if you got angry, they would see how much it means to you and will stop doing what you do not want them to do. You’re simply saying, “If you continue to behave in this way, you are going to have to experience my wrath.” You had unknowingly hoped that your anger and hostility would be an effective deterrent. But as it turns out, they push back and become angry themselves. Even if the person is willing to change, they do not want to be shoved, manipulated and condemned into changing. Their reaction is to fight back. It is a lose-lose situation.
——
The last part never happened to me though, but I think that you should take responsibility for your emotions regarding this matter. When you become angry, ask yourself the question — who is responsible for that anger? Again, talk openly and honestly. Think of the times you have become angry with your partner. Was it because you were hurt, or wanted them to stop doing something?
There are many answers to this situations besides the ones that I gave. Well, I just figured out the most practical solution I can muster based on my experiences. Hope that somehow I can help others have an almost perfect relationship.
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October 9th, 2007 at 6:25 am
yeah..communication is very important..but what if ur partner doesn’t want to talk at all?can’t express his thoughts or feeling in words?big problem..hehehe..